Border-Gavaskar Trophy, 1st Test

I've learned from this Test that I have a bit of a tin eye for fine batting. I have no beef with Tendulkar and I enjoy the sense of occasion that swells around him, but once he'd settled in on Day 2 I was happy to make other plans and leave him to it. It’s like the incredible economy of effort and sense of ease is so effective that I can no longer see that anything is happening at all. As a technical dunce with zero experience I need things spelled out in big bold characters and only really respond to a vigorous spanking. A little more action, a little less sublimation, you get the idea.

At first I thought this was the opposite to my taste in bowlers. I used to say that Warnie fascinated me as a debutant because his wickets were like supernatural conjuring acts compared to the relatively transparent mechanics of fast bowling. But who am I kidding? As true as it is that Warnie is a tactical magician with all the freakish proficiency of a Tendulkar with the ball, I probably wouldn’t have paid attention if he hadn’t also played up the part of the big, bold character of the magician and put on the whole stage show.

Thing I

I have been following Ishant Sharma on Twitter purely on the back of this charming description of himself as “foodie, tidy and happy-go-lucky”, but I’m finding him just as charming as a visitor. So long and bendy and likeable, smiling sheepishly whether he’s been bouncing or been bounced.

Thing II

Harsha introduced Geoff Lawson twice on Day 1 as “Henry Lawson”. It made me wonder if he thought that was in fact his name, but it could have been some extra-dryness on Harsha’s part. I know “Henry Lawson” is the hidden stepping stone between “Geoff Lawson” and “Henry”, but it stays hidden, right? It’s either “Geoff Lawson” or “Henry”, right? Not “Henry Lawson”. I’ll give Harsha the benefit of the doubt. He seemed sad when he first came on and I thought he might have been missing P. Roebuck.

Thing III: James Pattinson, man of the thatch

When Warnie was first selected for the Australian team, he wore a fragrant beached mullet and only started to take wickets when he culled the party out back.

Twenty years later, young Australian bowlers have learned from their forebears and tame the mane prior to selection, but cannot escape the long arm of the search engine. I give you James Pattinson, c. 2008-2009:

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* See here.

Sous le pitch, la plage

Well, there are mystery spinners, mercurial fast bowlers and batsmen maudits. Philip Hughes. Gosh, we talked about inner turmoil last summer, and when Hughes and Warner were batting it was a black hole down one end and a wide sandy expanse up the other. It was painful when Hughes got out, but it’s just stressful to watch him play. That kind of hell paved with good intentions is too close to home. It’s not the enthralling kind of stressful of watching Nathan Lyons on strike when Australia are 9 down and need 30 to win. Dave Warner again at the non-striker’s end, a picture of phlegm, casually leaning on his bat, filing his nails. Then he’d come on strike and everyone would run away, I don’t think I’ve seen a batsman left alone with the bowler and wicketkeeper like that before.

Warner Cricket Love: Warner pats his seniors. He did it to Ponting twice during a drinks break in their batting spell and to Haddin when he came out to the crease, little taps on the arm or back. I think you’d have to have a pretty special personality to get away with that. He also gave Haddin a lovely high hug around the neck when he made 100.

For a while it seemed like Warner would never live down/live up to that 29-run over, but it probably bothered the rest of us more than it bothered him, the man doesn’t seem to have an “inner”. He reminds me of the other Warner in some ways – certainly in his bowling action and there’s something in his post-match interview style as well, but maybe they just share a rhinoceros hide. (Nb. Poor old Warnie’s hide, the toasted cheese sandwich finally rose up against him.)

Dancing boys

Well I wasn't wrong about New Zealand bringing their traditional dash. Holy moley they punch above their weight in impossible good looks and general Uprightness. Daniel Vettori is old news to me, but I'd overlooked Brendon McCullum. Dean Brownlie! Doug "Bounce Me and I'll Flash my Dimples at You" Bracewell! And I don't mind a man who comes back for seconds, thank you very much Mr Easy Ryder. I'm glad they've nevertheless kept a spot open for a "Goofy-Looking Guy called Chris".

My friend Rachel and I used to amuse ourselves casting members of the New Zealand cricket team in 19th-century novels. Chris "Darcy" Cairns. Daniel "Slightly Diffident but is it Because he has a Sad Secret?" Vettori. Adam "Natural Son by Creole Temptress" Parore.

A couple of things.

Day 1: Hilarious first over. All that sawdust. More cowbells!
Day 2: When Vettori reached 96, I wrote a note: "out on 99?". Close. Somewhere Shane Warne whispered one of his spells into the winds and made it happen.

And then somehow or other at the end of the first day I found myself with a ticket to Hobart next weekend. It happened in a bit of a flurry but there it is, I'll be touching down early morning of Day 3. Bellerive's the only major cricket ground in Australia I haven't visited, and maybe Ricky will do something.

Obviously I am "Intrepid Maiden Lady Traveller" from an early 20th-century novel. Bring me my Baedeker!