23 November 2016

Mints wouldn't melt in his mouth




Thank you, Faf, thank you South African cricket team, thank you, South African cricket team auxiliary staff, you have achieved what seemed to be impossible. You have generated affection for the Australian cricket team and interest in this series by sheer force of relative unlikeability.

We weren’t really feeling much about anything, or nothing positive. The lukewarm flame of the first two Tests were hardly motivation to emerge from the cold soup of rancour served as entrée to this season.

But then your transgression, petulance, disingenuity and argy-bargy snapped us to attention and sent us down the surest path to support for one’s team: desire to stick it to the opposition. Just tell me, quietly, was this whole thing staged by James Sutherland?

I was fascinated by Amla’s performance at the press conference. I don’t know how anyone can be both artless and disingenuous at the same time, but he managed it. On the one hand I wondered if he’d been hoodwinked himself, on the other hand I wondered if he was the worst of the lot, complicit in a shameless tactic to use his piety as a human shield.

The renewed interest then had a knock-on effect on the perception of the extreme makeover of the Australian team. Whereas before it might have seemed a depressing exercise in deckchair shuffling (or perhaps a new set of cheap ones from Bunnings), now I’m… gosh, could that be a little bit of excitement? Oh what the hell… excited to see how the new bugs fare.

It would be nice to think the broom has swept aside some of the alleged Australian cricket team culture, à la Molesworth:

In order to sukceed all new bugs should take a vow of silence for i year. When a senior pass they should lie down and let him walk over them. They should ofer swetes saing go on take the whole bag. They must clean shoes and think of pleasing others.

Maybe it will be more like:

Head of skool: i am head of skool captin of games martial of the squash courts custodian of shooting and garter principal of the natural history museum.
new bug: So what? i am not impressed by wot I hav seen around here. The old brigade hav been in too long. There hav got to be changes. The younger generation is knoking at the door hav some buble gum.

Perhaps a happy medium would be best, as it always is. And, under the circumstances, go easy on the buble gum.