Second test, Lords, Day 1

Thoughts this morning when I saw the overnight score of 1/337.
 
(in bed) 

1. Ha! 

2. Is this going to be boring? 

3. Will someone get in trouble at Lords for the pitch? I heard someone on the radio who had spoken to the groundskeeper say last night that some well laid plans had been stymied by rain, but, um, this is England. Allow for rain, you guys. 

(making breakfast) 

4. I wonder whether the Australian team could work out some kind of ‘retirement’ system so everyone could have a go, like in kids cricket. 

5. Oh, that’s match fixing, is it? 

6. I bet some kids (and parents) reckon it’s match fixing in kids cricket too. 

Thoughts last night
 
1. Anyone else noticed the role reversal between Chris Rogers and David Warner this series, with Warner anchoring a racy Rogers? 

2. How does Moeen Ali feel about everyone attributing his success to the fact that he is not nearly as good a spinner as Graeme Swann? Every time someone gets out ‘going after’ him, the commentators talk about how there was no need to take the risk because, unlike his predecessor, this guy will reliably send down some shit. I think I might say, ‘Oh yeah? Well, this “shitty” bowler is the leading English wicket taker of the series so far. AND I bat better than Swann and am less annoying. AND has it ever occurred to you that I am in fact Alessandro del Piero in cunning disguise?

<

No? Back to the leading wicket taker thing then.’ 

3. How many advertisement voice-over actors are hired for their ability to sound a bit like Richard Briers? QBE is the latest one, but this is something that has been going on for years, and from now on I’m taking notes. 

Watto

Yesterday, Peter Fitzsimons wrote a column in the SydneyMorning Herald in defence of Shane Watson: ‘Why the Hate for Shane Watson?’. I know, if only Shane Watson could write a column entitled ‘Why the Hate for Peter Fitzsimons?’, their mutual bewilderment could reflect back and forth for infinity in perpetual motion, solve the world’s energy crisis and leave the rest of us in peace. 

That aside, Fitzsimons hasn’t done his homework. He asks whether anyone can recall Watson ‘making a complete prat of himself by brattish behaviour’. Why yes, Peter, yes I can. And if he thinks it is remotely acceptable to ‘call for a lot of reviews’, for personal reasons, just in case THIS time it will work, I’m not sure he knows what cricket is or knows anything about anything. Shane Watson himself may even have wished PF had left that bit out (with friends like those...). I’m pretty sure even Shane Watson thinks he calls for those reviews for the sake of the team, because that’s the kind of fool he is. 

This is the thing: people hate Watto because they don’t like him. He can perform all he wants, but if people don’t like you, they will hang back when you succeed and pounce when you fail. And the law of the playground dictates that if they don’t like you then, alas, trying to be liked will only make things worse. It’s not pretty, but it’s a pantomime out there and there’s no disputing taste. None of the ‘haters’, including myself, know much about Shane Watson, they just know what they don't like. If I was going to try to explain, I might say that the whiff people get from Shane Watson is, in the gentlest terms, ‘immaturity’. Pushing it a little further, I might say ‘a weird admixture of sheepishness and arrogance’. Push it further than that and I’ll only get carried away. What's the point of heckling someone when they've already left the building? 

I would have liked to have compiled a montage of some of Shane Watson’s ‘moments in time’ to his own motivational soundtrack of choice, Whitney Houston’s One Moment In Time. If you have a listen and a watch it’s not so hard to do that montage in your head. Watto, you inspired some of my best work. We’ll always have ‘All Trojan horse, no Greeks.’

Second test

What now?

That's Laura Csortan, former Miss Australia. Maybe I need to improve my personal grooming. On the other hand, she's the troll.

I missed most of the first session of this Test because I was writing a Heckler for the Sydney Morning Herald. The Heckler editors sent a message via the Column 8 editors last Thursday that they didn't need any more Heckles of bike paths, oversized prams, rude waitstaff and mobile phone etiquette. What they did need, urgently, or so they said, were rants about "cosmology, architecture, literature and aggressive ducks". It just so happens that cosmology is one of my chief pet hates, so I got down to it. They haven't got back to me. My fault for buying into the grumpy old persons sections of the paper I suppose.

But I'll take the segue: as much as the grumpy old persons in the Grandstand box mutter about T20 cricket, they roll over like puppies when someone plays T20 cricket in the middle of a Test match. One of the South African commentators suggested Dave Warner's performance on the first day was like "clubbing baby seals". I'll say it was also like "tickling puppies' tummies". Mine included, what's not to enjoy?

At the other end of the spectrum, and the Test, was plenty of "real Test cricket". I tried to induce a wicket this afternoon with a nap, but it was like reverse Rip Van Winkle: when I woke up, nothing had changed. I'm glad to see Nathan Lyon doing well, because like many a spinner he looks like the kind to get sand kicked in his face, maybe by someone like Shane Watson. Peter Siddle reminded me that when I am on the treadmill and I think I'm pushing myself a bit, I am so not pushing myself, but that's why we watch them and not me.

There was a lot of talk on the radio about how "digging in" was part of the South African national character. I hope they meant something about velds, because if the English love a gritty stand because it reminds them of the Blitz, what special cultural symbol of intransigence do you think of in relation to South Africa?

Distractions

I've been seeing a bit of soccer, because my new friend's a member of Sydney FC. I am constantly reminded that one of the reasons I follow cricket is because it is slow enough for me to work out what is going on, but I still have my other skills to fall back on. To wit, my take on Alessandro Del Piero:

=

+

For these and other reasons, it's a lot easier to maintain focus when he has the ball.