CWC Opener, AUS vs ENG @ MCG

Just what is it that makes English fielding stuff ups so different, so appealing? Is it the polite despair or the Benny Hill music? Or are these just my partisan projections? I woke up from a nap at a good time to catch the Australians accelerating and the English coming apart: an outfield catch that fell between two fools and two of the fluffiest of fluffed run-out chances.

It’s been a long nap. There has been stuff, like seeing the first ODI in the tri-series from the members’ stands at the SCG, a story I’d like to tell another time, and seeing the most incredible fairy-tale Sydney derby in there BBL where the Sixers won by making 56 runs off the last 3 overs. I even played a little park cricket and was surprised to find that out of batting, bowling and fielding, I am least horrible at batting (“strong bottom hand, reminiscent of Gilchrist”). This is partly because my batting failures take less time out of the game than the others. I am the worst wicket keeper, specialising in a “leg before” “method” of stopping the ball that is poor in both design and execution, and my “spin” comes out of the side of my hand square of the wicket.

Back to yesterday. George Bailey must just throw his hands up in the air when he hears Geoffrey Boycott of all people singing the praises of Glenn Maxwell at his expense. “Wider range of shots”, said Geoff. Indeed, but we didn’t think you were into that sort of thing. It can’t be any fun batting just ahead of Maxwell, walking on to the sound of small children praying for you to get out. He is just such a nice boy, with no chance against a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of Oblivion. Of course, the real problem is Watson upstream clinging for dear life to his handful of right-arm fast-mediums.

The hair part

I was looking at Moeen Ali’s beard and saying to myself, that looks more Amish than Muslim to me. So I went off to investigate and well, I think I’m right, I think it is more Amish than Muslim. If there is one thing I have learned from Islamic Perspective of theBeard, it is that for the beard to its job, which is to beautify, enhance respectability and underline masculinity, it must be kept in good trim (their italics, not mine). In contrast, the Amish heed Leviticus 19:27, which says that just as “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.” No man-scaping, Levites. And stop cutting off your ears!

Bell has been getting in on the beard action as well and has somehow managed to pull one off that is neither Amish, Muslim nor even hipster, but... professorial? I can’t quite put my finger on it, it is sort of moulded around his jaw while being more than stubble. Bell is my favourite model of English “polite despair”, his crispness when he gets out is a joy to behold. Sometimes he turns on his heels immediately, sometimes there’s a short, still stare at the ground before he tucks his bat under his arm and walks off, all stoicism. Love it.

I’m not really excited yet by this competition. Having complained about the ODIs coming too early in the season I now feel these ones are coming a bit late, my attention span is being stretched thin. We’ll see.