Oh, go on then. Two more sleeps before I get on a plane and
sort them out. Hovering over Lords like Mary Poppins, I realise a lot of these
UK grounds are Sesame Wheat shaped. I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles
(boom boom).
When the end was nigh on the fourth day, Michael Clarke was relaxed and smiling in the slips like an office worker at 4 pm on his last day making jokes about stealing stationery and what he won’t miss. I'm going to call that “inappropriate”. I’ve never had a problem with the way Australia celebrate a win, but you don’t celebrate before you’ve won a game and you don’t celebrate when everyone is unhappy because you lost the f***ing series in an incredibly irritating way. And what player, let alone a captain, has ever shown jollies about retiring? Grandstand played an interview Jim Maxwell did with Clarke after he announced his retirement and he weirdly deflected really obvious and predictable questions about his best memories and highlights from his career – “just focused on this game, mate, really haven’t thought about it.” It makes me wonder whether, in the immortal words of Jennifer Aniston, “there’s a sensitivity chip that’s missing”. Maybe after all this time the Australian public never liked Michael because they smelled an affective bypass – which is to say because they couldn’t smell him at all.
No doubt there'll be a Letter from Lords at some point. For now, away! Those bottomless carpet bags look like a good carry-on option.
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