1st test, shame about the rest

Channel 9 showed a montage of various cricket feats leading in to the first day of the first Test, with Richie meandering over the top. I couldn’t work out what the thread was – maybe notable Gabba moments, maybe notable AUS vs RSA moments… I made the mistake of wondering out loud and got back from my spectating companion: “Richie’s spank bank”. It was probably revenge for the unwelcome images I had foisted on said companion from my Men of Cricket calendars, specifically Shane Watson in aught but a towel.*

This is where I should mention that, along with the other things that happened this winter, I lost the cat (when my flatmate moved out), but gained a boyfriend. Those things probably go together: when I spend too much time watching Japanese cats on YouTube, the ads start sizing me up not only as a single female, but a potential customer of Christian dating sites. So unlike when I spend too much time watching the cricket and am called to grimy power-tool parties with the promise of bad beer. Or rather, called to bad beer with the promise of grimy power-tool parties. Just how dirty do your hands need to be before you can call yourself a man? 

As far as I can tell, there is no way to refer to a boyfriend (/SO/MM/OH/DH) in print and remain likeable, including to the individual in question. I'll milk it here and now, and then try never to speak of it again. 

My new friend is tough on Ricky. When I asked him what injury it was that Ricky had been picked despite of, he said, “Age.” When I said Ricky was hoping to be part of the 2013 Ashes team, he said, “I would also like to be part of the 2013 Ashes team.”** 

My appreciation of the fuller-figured man leaves him feeling a little inadequate, but he helpfully suggested a month or so ago that I check out "Fatcat" Ritchie. Yeah, no. I did however look up Arjuna Ranatunga on Google Image yesterday, and was told that a “related search” was “arjuna ranatunga fat”. Firstly, in the words of another Sri Lankan-born fellow, "Why are people so unkind?" Secondly, that seems a strange thing to be “searching” for.

The game? I'd like for Australia not to start an innings with a 3 for under 50. I didn't watch their first session, I didn't want to see another 3 for under 50. I thought maybe if I didn't watch it they wouldn't be 3 for under 50. I didn't check the score overnight, saying to myself, "I bet they're 3 for under 50". I'm sorry Ed Cowan, you seem very nice for a private school boy and well done, but I'd like to return to the 3 for under 50 thing, because it has to stop.

* But holy moley, he is lucky I don't paste these (SPOILER ALERT CLICK ONLY IF YOU DARE) Paul Freeman pics of SW I just found. Is this like Marilyn's early centrefold? "I'm only new on the scene and I figured this was a great way to get my face and a few other things out there." Insert "naked ambition" quip.

** Tangentially, I once asked a friend, in his mid-40s, at what point he stopped having the fantasy that he would play cricket for Australia. He basically said “What do you mean, ‘stopped’?” I find menfolk are often adamant that someone or other on the team must go, and I think this must be why. It's good old lizard brain, whispering: "There but for the obstinacy of Ricky go I." By the way, Paul Freeman pics of SW. Heh.